Haiti keeps me real. Haiti keeps me uncomfortable. I simultaneously fight and embrace the visits. Comfortable loving the four at home, keeping the routine vs. being here loving my fifth boy--stretching uncomfortable in the heat and pain that lives here- confronting my own pain from waiting and aching to hold my boy.
I know there is pain at home--but here I cannot turn it off. I cannot avert my eyes--there is no place to look that is pain free. Here she is-Haiti-- clothed in trash and stench, and poverty and hunger...yet crowned with sunrise on the roof, bathed in torrential rain that brings laughter and giggles, clothed in singing Praise till 1 a.m.. This place --the contradiction-- keeps me real. I know God has shown us Haiti --He has given us tears for Haiti and her people. He wants me uncomfortable... Haiti ...the adoption...is the wilderness He has chosen for us. We embrace it...
I struggle and rely on Him to count the joy in this...I know that this test produces patience and reliance, TRUST. These last months have been HARD. The trip was HARD. Waiting has been...is HARD. But suddenly it's like the sunrise on the roof...a jewel in the trash. HARD waiting is less HARD. Our paperwork finally went to court. Our son is OURS...he has OUR name. Wisler Johnson. And to make it more amazing we got the phone call while we were at the orphanage. We had a translator with us who then told Wisler the news...(basically we got to tell him ourselves).
We got to see his reaction. We had a friend who had the presence of mind to take a picture...every good and perfect gift. Thank You God. Now we wait for final paperwork. No there is no timeline. We have no idea...and finally I think I am ok with it. I am not comfortable by any means, but all I have to do is look at how beautifully He orchestrated our court news and I know I can trust that He has the rest of this journey more than covered.
I know there is pain at home--but here I cannot turn it off. I cannot avert my eyes--there is no place to look that is pain free. Here she is-Haiti-- clothed in trash and stench, and poverty and hunger...yet crowned with sunrise on the roof, bathed in torrential rain that brings laughter and giggles, clothed in singing Praise till 1 a.m.. This place --the contradiction-- keeps me real. I know God has shown us Haiti --He has given us tears for Haiti and her people. He wants me uncomfortable... Haiti ...the adoption...is the wilderness He has chosen for us. We embrace it...
I struggle and rely on Him to count the joy in this...I know that this test produces patience and reliance, TRUST. These last months have been HARD. The trip was HARD. Waiting has been...is HARD. But suddenly it's like the sunrise on the roof...a jewel in the trash. HARD waiting is less HARD. Our paperwork finally went to court. Our son is OURS...he has OUR name. Wisler Johnson. And to make it more amazing we got the phone call while we were at the orphanage. We had a translator with us who then told Wisler the news...(basically we got to tell him ourselves).
We got to see his reaction. We had a friend who had the presence of mind to take a picture...every good and perfect gift. Thank You God. Now we wait for final paperwork. No there is no timeline. We have no idea...and finally I think I am ok with it. I am not comfortable by any means, but all I have to do is look at how beautifully He orchestrated our court news and I know I can trust that He has the rest of this journey more than covered.
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